Let me take a moment to reintroduce myself. My name is Betty, an almost 35 year old entrepreneur / influencer / world changer / and even a fashion icon wannabe. Yes, my 35th birthday is next week and I am thrilled, full of ideas and desires. But, I have a lot of work to do, obviously, especially in the fashion icon arena.
No! I’m not too old for this life.
I LOVE Social Media and everyone that knows me knows my obsession with it… personally, I’ve been in the social media world since myspace. I LOVED picking layouts for my page and music to set the mood of that month. I was obsessed. Then on to facebook, instagram, some twitter, snapchat and youtube became my favorite platform to listen to music and figure out how to do anything. And while I always loved how it can help you connect to your friends near and far, last year I realized how much of an impact I could make.
But, let’s be honest I’m a ENFP with ADHD – seriously, talk about a free spirit with no real direction. Yes, I like almost EVERYTHING! It truly sucks because it’s hard for people to take you seriously. Especially when not only you like everything, but you want to do everything.
So, here’s my truth… as I tried to build something in a public space, it subjected me to plenty of criticism, constantly being asked “what’s this your doing now?” and the dreaded whispers behind your back about what a flake you are and how you’re not real. Seriously… this happened. I was crushed.
After a total crash and burn, where my already fragile self esteem and identity crisis took a hit. I SHUT DOWN. Honestly, if I could have disappeared, I would have. I often fantasize about going somewhere new where nobody knows me and starting over, since I was 16. But, I’m an adult with responsibilities and a teenager. Where was I going to go with no money and no real support. So, I did what I thought was best and moved back home. Yes, back home with my parents (AGAIN) to my old room, and my yet again broken spirit.
Nothing I tried worked, because I was too scared to sell, going live on fb and ig made me feel like a complete fraud and everything at work felt like it was going to burst into flames. Furthermore, my love life continued to be a total joke. And even though I had a therapist, I was so angry, nothing registered. My frustration with life, parenting, business, relationships, and finances took the best of me. I was lucky to count my friends but even then, I couldn’t even be the friend they deserved. So, I packed my bags, cried my eyes out, moved back home, and tried to convince myself… one day, this will make sense.
During this time, I went back to my foundation because that is all I had left, or so I thought. But, even my connection with God was gone. I felt empty as if He just left me out here alone. “GREAT!”, I thought. “One more rejection from the one who said would never leave me”… but then I thought “wait, bump that! If people who in my human eyes don’t deserve His grace get it, and have a freaking awesome life, why can’t I?”
Let me tell you, that day I decided I was putting my big girl panties on and stop whining. Yes, I have a long history of being a victim, but at this point I’m just tired of not having my life together and failing. My son DOES NOT deserve a HOT MESS of a mom, even if he still loves me, I needed to do better, be better. I sought after God, read the bible, prayed, fasted, and even rejoined my church home.
Last year, I gave up everything, my expensive car, my comfortable home, and my toxic mindset. I got serious about my walk with God, about my mental health, and about my soul care. All the self care in the world could not do the inside job I needed. My life took a big shift but trust me… it hasn’t been easy.
Did I fail? Yes! Did I get sad? Absolutely. Did I feel lonely? More than ever. Did I lose people I loved? Unfortunately.
BUT… I gained so much to. Peace, wisdom, joy, confidence, new healthy friendships, and even a puppy.
More to come in this soon… but today, I want to encourage you to not give up on yourself. Yes, I am back with all things social, re branding, and even starting something that I am blessed to soon share. I am no longer needing to ask people to like me so they can like a product, but truly letting people see me and choose if I’m their cup of tea. If I’m not, I am learning to gracefully let go of their opinions, because I am the way God made me, and can no longer compromise my identity and brand to make anyone happy.
Yes friends, I am turning 35, living in my parents house, building a business enhance your life, taking care of my almost 14 year old and loving the cute little pup I was blessed with. I may not have much in material things, but I am abundant in all things unseen. That my friends means everything…