to my girls who survived…

I see you.

Yes you. Back there looking down at the ground because you don’t feel like you’re worth being in this world. What happened? Who told you that? Who acted as if your existence didn’t matter? Was it your mom or dad? Was it the mean girls at school? Was it the uncle or family “friend” that touched you? Was it the boyfriend or husband who mistreated you? Who did this to you?

I see you. I am you.

Trauma is a nasty little disease that can creep in early. It can slowly try to destroy you and sometimes you learn have to learn coping mechanisms. But not all coping mechanisms are perfect or even healthy, but who could have taught you? There were no parenting handbooks on how to help children who are sexually abused, or even a class to address issues with domestic violence. At least not where I was… So here we are – the 20, 30, 40, 50 somethings walking around healing. The daily struggle of learning how to let people in your life with little trust to start with, and furthermore being expected to behave like someone who never had to endure this level of trauma.

We survived the worst parts of our lives, but now what? Yes, we can go to therapy, find support groups and even give your life to Jesus and pray to help you “be better”. But, what happens when things get tough? What happens when everything you learned in therapy seems to disappear, the words of the book you read fade and Jesus just don’t seem to hear us. We get stuck and dig out that unhealthy coping mechanism that worked for 20+ years. And then you get SHAMED for it, by your friends, your spouse, or just people in your life. My girl – DO NOT LET THEM GET TO YOU!!!

Hear me out… YOU survived the worst part of your life. While some people may want to “help” you in their own way – they did not experience your pain, your fear, your thoughts of ending your life, your thoughts of running away, or worse… SO, WE need to have boundaries when these moments happen. Especially when you have well meaning friends; you need to be open and clear on what you need for that moment. Our coping mechanisms saved us at one point. WE are responsible for our healing. And, while I am a big fan of becoming better, healthier and making positive changes in my life; I am also a big fan on doing what’s right for me even when it makes others uncomfortable.

Do remember while we are in survival mode – it is hard to build friendships and relationship. REALLY FREAKING HARD. Be wise with the people you share your life and struggles with… NOT EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND – and that is ok… It is not their job to understand.

Know that this is your battle and you only want people in your corner who are willing to fight with you and for you. These people will allow you to heal in ways that work best for you, they will give you space but also check on you. These are the people who will make sure nobody talks down to you or about you when you are struggling. They will ask you to stop calling yourself crazy, and will hold you when you feel like everything is falling apart; even if it’s just because of something that may seem silly to others. These people will not take your words and twist them to use them against you, and they will be quick to apologize when they’ve done something that triggered you. These are the relationships you need. Authentic people who care about you as a person and understand that your healing is a marathon and they will pace with you until the finish line. If you find people like this in this world – hold on to them. They are far and few in between.

One more thing, reach out and get professional help… because you deserve better!

Until next time…

B

DISCLAIMER

Please know that I am not saying that if you are physically hurting yourself…. you should keep doing it! Absolutely not! There are coping mechanisms that can truly hurt you, please please reach out to professionals for help! ♥️

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